do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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