dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
