so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dear god my vagina.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
