i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
