And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
