remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
