So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
