Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
