Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
