I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
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Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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