I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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