just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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