Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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