Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
