Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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