a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
