Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
