I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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