I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
