I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
