hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
