Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
