I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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