i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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