Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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