There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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