rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
