doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize