she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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