So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
