i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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