YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
