We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
