Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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