I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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