fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
