On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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