bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
