If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
what day is it and did you see me today?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
