Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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