my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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