guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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