your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
