We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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