i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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