i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
