Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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