Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
