and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
