i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
