he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
