The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You ruined the universe
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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