Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He passed out mid-signature
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
