remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
