Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
