Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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