I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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