Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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