I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I see more hoeing in ur future
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
