so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
