I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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