btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
