I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
