we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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