I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
