I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
