then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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