my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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