omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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