Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
