It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
